Whenever I talk to someone about my belief in saving myself for marriage, one question that's usually asked is "but what if you never get married and never have sex again". And although that is a fear of mine, it isn't the greatest one. Honestly, when I have to do things like wash and put gas in my car is when I miss being in a relationship the most...oh, and paying for my own food, haha. No, but seriously, I miss being able to care for someone that I love. I really do like making sure others are good - especially people I love. But last night, after having an amazing photoshoot for my soon-to-be 1 year old niece and then leading a small group...I got sick. Like, sick sick and what went through my mind was, these are times when I think about marriage and what kind of husband I need. Warning, there will be TMI, so if you're grossed out easily this ain't the post for you.
So, I have high blood pressure, but yesterday I also got my period and sometimes when I get my monthly it affects my pressure. I couldn't breathe very well and when that happens I need to take a water pill because that means I have too much fluid in my system. When I got home I took my blood pressure meds, two water pills and something for my period - all at the same time. I'm a light weight and I can't take too much medicine but I was desperate for all the things I was feeling to go away (that's a whole other word). But I should have spaced them out, therefore, the pain I was feeling grew stronger and was coupled with nausea. The only way I felt any relief was to sit with my body leaning forward or standing with my head laying on the kitchen counter.
All of the sudden there were chills, and you know that feeling where you don't know if you have to sit on the toilet or put your head over the toilet? yeah, that's where I was. I told y'all this was going to be TMI. So, I'm sitting on the toilet with my head over the trash can. Things are coming out of my body from everywhere. I'm stripping my clothes off. I'm sweating. Don't forget I'm also bleeding... My body became so weak that I couldn't even wipe myself. Sitting forward no longer relieved the pain and the only thing that felt good was the bathroom floor - so I slid off the toilet laid down on it. Now there's blood everywhere. My rugs, my legs, my feet, the floor and all I could think about was "I really need my husband to help me right now" then I thought "would my husband be grossed out by this?" "would he wipe my bloody behind as I lay here on the floor?" - these are the things I'm thinking as I spray clorox to clean up the mess. I'm literally laying on my side, face on the floor, spraying and wiping up blood - oh, and crying. My mom was knocking the door making sure I was okay while my son was trying to make me drink water. His kitten somehow forced the door open and was trying to come in and play (now whenever I go to the bathroom he sits outside the door). I'm praying and pleading the blood of Jesus over my life and my body and commanding for the pain and discomfort to go away - all while ripping the flexi-rods out of my hair.
Now, if my partner were to be incapacitated the way I was and could not get himself together, it would be a no brainer. Like I said earlier I enjoy taking care of people who mean the most to me and I look forward to taking care of the man that I love. And even though I am a queasy stomach having person I would most definitely clean my husband up and get him into bed and then scrub the bathroom after him. That's what love is. And that's deeper than sex. Pushing past what you would want to do or what's comfortable for you. Serving the one you love, not out of a place of obligation, but out of devotion. Of course sex is important in marriage and it binds hearts and souls and all, but wiping your mate's sh*tty bum is a team building exercise like no other. A next level of intimacy. Through sickness and in health, right?
So, when thinking about who you want to spend forever with; looks, money, power and all of that is cool, but make sure that person will clean your blood off the floor, hug you tight, and still think that you are beautiful.
"I think you realize how much you need to have people that you love. It's not as much about them loving you - it's about you needing to love people" - Chadwick Boseman (R.I.P.)
To purchase my book click here.
Comments