So, if you've been following me for any amount of time then you know I am very vocal about we women honoring ourselves and honoring our bodies - not for a man, but for ourselves. I wrote a whole book about it.
I rededicated my life and my body to Christ years ago and promised God that I would listen to Him and I would not have sex until marriage. Now, I'm sure this might sound cray to folks because I'm a good grown woman, but it's really the best decision I have ever made for myself...with the nudging of Jesus. I used to think of it as a punishment; like God was withholding something from me. But the deeper my relationship got with Him, the more I realized that He wasn't holding anything, He was saving from everything that could possibly break my heart.
I'm sure the title threw some of y'all for a loop. But it's true, God doesn't care if we have sex. Because sex isn't dirty or vile. It is beautiful and it connects people. It bonds people together. Sex was created to express love and to deepen a couple's connection, but its true purpose has been perverted over time. The problem is, sex outside marriage can be a recipe for disaster. Because it was created to express love, because it does bond people together and because it does connect people, when breakups come it is that much harder to let go because you have bonded yourself to someone before its proper time.
When you have sex with someone it literally binds your souls together. And when you split there is a ripping and tearing that takes place leaving bits of yourself behind. That's why it hurts so much. That's why it feels like your world may end. Because there are pieces of you missing that are still attached to your ex-partner creating soul ties that are not easily broken.
I have the blessing of being able to reach people who aren't Christian but still like my vlogs or have read my book. They don't feel judged by my words or thoughts and can hear what I have to say. So I've been asked the question, "what if I don't believe in God but I want to be in a committed relationship?" "How does any of that apply?" "What if I don't want to get married?". But newsflash, a wedding is just a celebration, the marriage comes when two people consummate that celebration with having sex and once you have sex your souls are officially married together. So in essence, every time you lay down with someone you are marrying them.
I digress...
What I would tell a non-Christian woman is the same thing I'd tell a Christian woman. Look at a man's actions because his actions reveal his heart. Whether or not you believe in God, if you give yourself to a man before he has an emotional investment in you, you're increasing your chances for heartbreak. So I'd say wait. Wait for a man who is 100% committed to you. Wait for a man who makes his intentions clear about where he wants your relationship to go. Because when a man wants you there is no confusion. You won't wonder where you fit in his life because he will make it known and he'll make for dang on sure no other man has a window, a crack or a crevice to get in. Whether he's a man of God or a man in the world, when he has his eye on a woman he's serious about you'll know, he'll make it plain. If you feel like you have to chase or pursue him then he's making it clear that he doesn't want you. He may like talking to you, he may even enjoy your company, so he'll make sure he keeps enough contact so you can continue to serve the part of him that feeds his flesh and so you don't stray too far - but he won't commit. So it's cool to flirt and to date but don't give away your treasure to someone who doesn't understand your value and who doesn't want to stick around to tend to your heart. Someone who's going to dip as soon as their lustful desire is fulfilled.
Don't get me wrong, lust is necessary but it is fleeting, and if you have sex with someone too soon then there's nothing left for them to pursue. You've quenched that fire, that fleshly desire without having any emotional, spiritual or mental connection. And for what? Does he care about your wellbeing, your mind, your spirit? Is he invested in you in anyway beyond your body? And will you give him a piece of yourself only to be left disappointed?
Sigh, I'm like God, I just want to get married and be in love with someone who I actually like and want to twerk something on. It's possible. He's out there. Because trust, I want to be 90 years old still lusting after my husband and vice versa. But lust needs to be coupled with love - love for someone who wants to take care of your heart. Someone who is invested in your whole life - not just your vagina. So no, God doesn't care if you have sex. But He cares about your heart and He doesn't want you to be left broken.
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